He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
50% drunk capacity currently
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
