Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
