mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
