he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Panties = found
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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