Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
