What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
