I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
