I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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