You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
