Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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