No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
