As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
