I'm lost and stupid without you.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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