Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
