i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
