I met the friendliest cop last night
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
