Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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