What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
