He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
