This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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