i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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