Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Apparently you make a good broom.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
