I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
