I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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