I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
