i jhust puked up my retainher.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
