I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
