Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
And then he peed in my hair
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