i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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