is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
