I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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