I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
