If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
