there's paper in my vomit.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
