yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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