it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
