what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I need moral support for this bender
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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