**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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