Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
