Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
God gave him joint rollers for hands
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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