My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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