The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
