hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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