I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
