had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
