theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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