Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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