My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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