Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
