you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just want nice things and good sex
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
