I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
