Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
